Be Gentle, Slow Down and Enjoy

2/25/15

My friend and I were discussing the ways that we sabotage our goals in getting healthy and losing weight.  We spoke about our secret sabotage test that we put on the people around us - to see how shallow they really are - proving that people are only good to us when we're "thinner".  We spoke about how we don't feel that BBW (big beautiful woman) pride and how we secretly believe that people will screw us over even after we've worked hard and "earned" love and respect.  Because we're not truly "behind" our reason for getting healthy, in shape, etc., because we don't have a reason that is strong enough for ourselves (we tend to do it for the sake of others or for others approval), we lose sight of why we're doing what we're doing in the first place.  We decided to take some steps to help us quiet our demons and help us to manage the stress that our activities and inner pressure bring.     
Last night (2/24/15) tasks completed:
I folded that blanket and tidied up the couch that it was on.

I decided, especially since it was late, to enjoy my food.  (That was a very good trick!  I didn't go in for seconds or thirds or fourths as I normally do!)

I did a little stretching before bed. 

This morning:
I missed my alarm.  

As I was getting ready for work, I had to tell myself not to rush.  I already sent messages to let folks know I was running late.

As I sat at the stop light, I could feel myself wanting to get anxious.  I told myself that it was okay.  I am going to be okay.  These things happen and it is okay.  I pictured my mom holding me.    

Goals:

• We're going to speak again on Tuesday, March 17 sometime between 7:30 and 8:30pm.
• We're going to slow down, at least when we catch ourselves getting caught up in a lot of thoughts.
• We're going to continue to keep/make our lists and not deny ourselves the need to manage multiple projects, but we will pick fewer things to complete/accomplish in a day so that we can shut out activities that clutter our minds, reduce our stress, be more present to our activities, fully appreciate when we've completed a task and set ourselves up for success.
• We're going to be aware that we must clean/clear our space as our absolute priority.  We will attend to this by cleaning/clearing one small section at a time during short breaks so that we do not have to pay attention to the large and overwhelming view.   
• We're going to re-parent ourselves when we find that we want to punish, self-sabotage or be hard on ourselves for any reason - we will do this by being gentle, soothing ourselves, choosing images/memories that we can picture ourselves in that would help us to feel safe, comforted, held, loved, supported, seen, heard. 
• We'll send each other texts every 3-4 days or whenever we need to just to let each other know that we're doing alright. 
• We're going to enjoy our meals, our showers, our baths and any other experience/time we give to ourselves to decompress, relax, nourish, comfort ourselves (ie. walks, rest, snacking, watching tv, listening to music, getting/giving hugs etc.).